An Open Letter to Spain

Dear Spain,

Hi, how’s it going? I hope this letter finds you well. These last weeks have been pretty intense for me. I've been busy with school and assignments and trying to figure out which side of the street to look when crossing. But I hear you've been busy too, buying banks and stuff. Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, these last few months have been tough for governments too, what with the financial sector disintegrating around us. What a bummer.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I want to bring something to your attention. I spent four days and three nights in your capital city. I very much enjoyed it. The weather was gorgeous, the food tasty and the culture rich. The museums were top notch, but what’s with the security in the Prado? Do you really think I’m going to grab a Goya and make a dash for it? There are security guards everywhere. You can't pick a wedgie for fear of being watched. But I digress.

I’m writing to express my concern over something I noticed while in Madrid. What's with the lack of English? Before you ask, no, I'm not American. I'm Canadian and Portuguese. I don’t speak Spanish. I know, I know. I'm well aware of the arguments: "You're in a Spanish speaking country, and Spanish is one of the widest spoken languages in the world." I know all of this. It just so happens my Spanish isn't great. I can count, say hello, goodbye and ask how much something is. Then I'm tapped out.

But cut me some slack. I can speak two other languages well enough to get by: French and Portuguese. I felt that I could at least fake Spanish with Portuguese. But when I tried, I got no love. None of the three languages were any use to me. I’d ask people—everyone from taxi drivers, waiters and museum guides—questions in English such as “How much is the audio guide?” or “How do I get to the church?” And they would look at me perplexed. And then I’d ask to speak any of the three languages mentioned above and always got the same answer: “Hablo Italiano?” No, I don’t speak Italian! I just named two—English and French—pretty popular languages and you come back at me with Italian? What’s that about?

What’s with the hate for English? I get it that you guys were colonial enemies back in the day. I get that it’s a language of imperialism and that it's not a very pretty sounding language but come on. You’re in the European Union for God's sake, where English is one of three working languages—French, English and German in case you’re wondering. It’s kind of a practical language.

Why do you hate the language so much? Is it a form of nationalism to refuse to speak any language but Spanish? Or do you just not know how? Are you shy that you might get words wrong, because even British people can’t say “tomato,” “banana,” or “aluminum” right and they’ve been speaking it a lot longer than most people. Don't be self-conscious. We can help.

Anyway, I just wanted to ask about that. Oh, and if we speak Portuguese to you don’t pretend that you don’t understand. It’s a slightly different language so don’t act like we’re speaking Russian.

No hard feelings, just thought I’d voice some concern, keep on rocking in the free world.

Diana